Raising children is a joyous responsibility. You get to see them learning about the world, and deciding what kind of person they want to be. You hope that you’ve brought them up to be kind, responsible, loving members of the society we all live within. However, everyone is capable of making mistakes, including your kids. As you raise them, they will do things that are wrong – perhaps lie about brushing their teeth, perhaps complain about their dinner – and it is up to you to navigate these situations and help them learn what is appropriate. And yet, what if your kid, as they grow older, makes a mistake that is a bit more serious than accidentally breaking a vase? What if they break the law?
As a parent, you want to protect your kid from everything. However, that can be easier said than done when the law gets involved. Here are some tips for how to help your child through this time, learn from their mistakes, and give them the best chance possible in any legal proceedings.
Encourage the Truth
Your first step, if you find out that your kid is involved in something outside the law, is to speak with them about it. Try and encourage an environment of non-judgemental truth-telling within your family. Your kid will not tell you what’s going on if they’re afraid you will shout at them and withdraw your support. It’s important for you to know the truth of the matter, and the whole truth, so you can figure out the best way to help them. If your kid is genuinely innocent and has been falsely accused of something, you will be pursuing a certain line of justice – yet this is useless if you are not in possession of the entire truth.
Understand Why
If your child has broken the law, take a moment before you make any assumptions about why they did it. They may be your kid, and you might think you know them better than anyone, but as they grow older, all children will develop traits, friendships, and stresses, that are not under your control. Assuming that you know exactly what is going on may only damage your relationship and your ability to help them. Instead, don’t just look at the crime itself. Look at the reasons it might have happened. Has your child been threatened? Are they stressed about something in particular? Did a friend ask them to do something, and they felt they couldn’t refuse? All these questions will be vital in understanding the situation and preparing their defense.
Get the Best Lawyer
If matters progress to criminal proceedings, you will want your kid to have the best chance possible when navigating the legal system. If you are not a lawyer yourself, the primary way to do this is to ensure you find the best counsel possible. Trained and professional criminal defense attorneys will be able to get to the heart of the matter, and perhaps even talk to your kid in a way that you cannot. Particularly if your kid is old enough for their case to be tried in a court of adult law, finding a lawyer you can trust with their wellbeing is essential. Look up the firms in your area and do some research before deciding who to take your case to – and remember, you should always feel at ease and able to rely on them for support.
Support Them Emotionally
If your child has done something wrong, it’s easy to switch into ‘telling off’ mode, and for good reason. You want to educate your kid, make sure they know they’ve made a mistake, and that they won’t do it in the future. However, it’s also good to remember how stressed and upset they might be finding the situation. Don’t let your own anger and fear cloud your ability to offer them emotional support. Likewise, you might be so caught up in dealing with the practicalities of finding a lawyer, gathering evidence, and otherwise helping them, that you neglect the mental wellbeing of your child amongst all this. Providing emotional support is incredibly important, so make sure you allow space for this.
Don’t Blame Yourself
As a parent, you hold yourself ultimately responsible for your child’s wellbeing. You love them, after all, and you have raised them, and you might start to think this is all your fault. Stop! This is not helpful, and it isn’t true. The world is full of influences, from friends, peers, and others, and your kid might have simply been led down the wrong path. It is up to you to find them, and help them back onto the right one, and you cannot do this if you are blaming yourself.
